QCHC

This is what friendship looks like. 15 years later, we all could come together, support a friend, and make new memories. I am amazingly lucky to be a part of something like this, lucky to have people that I know I can always return to a friendship with, and really just be myself. There were hugs, tears, and a lot of laughter. I'm so happy to say I could be a part of a great benefit to raise some money for a really great woman. Her story is here, if you're so inclined.

It was a great trip into the past, and now it's time to make the future.

Photo credit: Michael Watson

A Small Town Trial

For just over 4 years of my life, I lived in small town USA, located just off interstate 80 in the midst of cornfields and nothingness. Why oh why would I live there? My career. I had an opportunity to forge ahead and I grabbed it. Little did I know that this would be one of my most interesting journeys to date.

Oh, small towns. They have their charm. The little one off food joints that taste like heaven, the shops that sell anything from darling necklaces to deer antlers. I knew where the best food was, where not to shop, and exactly where all the best cemeteries were.

I began living the small town life in an apartment from hell, complete with giant spiders and a neighbor making meth. Then I hit the jackpot and had an amazing apartment for dirt cheap. I'm paying double for something smaller here in the burbs.

Unfortunately with every small town comes the usual weirdness. Everyone knows everyone, so I stuck out like a punk in a prep school. During the first couple of weeks I lived there, I had women talking about me while I shopped the local craft store, and a lot of customers point blank ask me who I was and where I came from when dealing with me at my job. Needless to say, not exactly a town full of tact.

I was cast as an outsider at work, and considered an oddball for being in my mid 20s, unmarried, and childless. Most were horrified when I told them that I had no plans to have children. I had to deal with a workplace that was a clique of older people that disliked me not only because I was new to their routine, but I was also a young woman that was in charge. The horror!

As time went by, I grew thicker skin and learned not to take the small minded comments and perception personal. I dealt with the most difficult co-workers I have yet to come across, including a 50 year old mom who tried desperately to be young, an assistant that had an incredibly mean, selfish spirit, and a few men that hated me because I had a vagina that wasn't old and decrepit.

There were days I went home and shut out the world. I didn't care about the small town functions, who beat up who at the local hole in the wall bar, or who drove drunk but got off because they were friends with the cop.

Contrary to my post this far, it wasn't all bad. I met a few of the kindest, most genuine people that I might ever meet. I even had a few moments there that I laughed so hard I had to run to the bathroom. I found one of my favorite tombstones there. I got addicted to pork tenderloin sandwiches from a little joint that had wood paneled walls.

I didn't keep the contacts I made when I moved. I keep in touch with one amazing lady who shares my fascination of ghosts and can decorate a cake like no other. Im not sure if I want to forget it all, but I sure don't want to keep the memories alive.

It's been a year since I've gotten out of that little town, and life has changed so much. I can see my boyfriend on a regular basis (hell, we're moving in together in a week), I have the love of my life Rudy, and I can go out in public without having to deal with people being socially weird to me. I feel good away from there. I'm happy.

Maybe I was too paranoid there, maybe I felt the hand of judgement coming down on me a little too hard. What I consciously did do was really become a strong woman that I'm proud to be.

Best Friends Aren't Forever, and That's Okay.

In kindergarten I met my first best friend. His name was Eric, and we bonded over backyard wiffle ball, dinosaurs, and sand pizzas. Later on in grade school, I met a best friend I still have to this day, and even made me godmother of one of her children.

What makes a best friend friendship? I think we all see it differently, and have different kinds of besties. One of my best friends I only see a handful of times a year, we can even go weeks without a text message, let alone a phone call. But when I do see him, it's like time hasn't passed us by, not even a moment. He's a BFF that I know is a lifer. I've had the BF that I was in constant communication with. We texted, talked on the phone daily, and really coexisted at times as one. As I've grown older and figured myself out, that type of friendship has faded. I've been accused of distancing myself, which I can't deny, but I also feel like I can stand on my own now, and prefer to just be me, not Lindsey and __________________.

Over the years we've all gone through the ups and downs of friendships, of best friendships. The times of our lives, like rolling in cow pies to get under an electric fence to explore Cemetery X or awkwardly coercing the caretaker of one of the most haunted houses in Kansas to let us snoop. Then there's the downs. Blah. Finding out a best friend has ill intentions or is just playing the using game, or not really having your back is such a blow.

Then there's the best friends that become toxic. How does this happen? One day everything clicks, and the next you can literally feel the resentment rising off the text message. We are constantly growing as individuals and together as friends, yet we can also head down completely different roads. I can't say I regret these, as I've learned a lot from them, but I wish the ill will that's felt would disappear.

So, in 9 days I'll be 30 years old. Thirty years holds a long line of best friends. This has molded me into my badass self, bullshit and all. I've had what I thought were BFFs, only to discover they were really BFUSCCA (best friends until someone cooler comes along). But I do have those BFFs that stick around, well, forever.

This isn't a high horse I'm riding around on. I'm not looking for validation for my life or how awesome I am. I'm not looking for judgement, though I'm sure there's people out there that have me on the stand as I type.

This is about my journey of best friends.